My partner of almost 14 years has been pressuring me to buy titanium "wedding" rings for each other. They would be used if we were to get legally married, but in the meantime, we would wear them . I’m not big on wearing jewelry such as rings and watches all of the time because they seem to get in the way when I am using a keyboard. I work on a keyboard all day at work (If I wear a watch, I take it off).
Anyway, on our recent vacation, I finally gave in and bought matching rings. He was trilled, but after only two days, we were swimming in the ocean, he lost the ring and could not retrieve it.
I was angry and frustrated that he did not think to take the ring off before getting in the water, especially since he had been pressuring me to buy rings for several years.
I did make a big deal out of it, but I told him I did not want to keep my ring and I returned it. I also said that due to the carelessness, I would not be buying another ring anytime soon. I did not speak of the issue at all after that.
I think he was VERY hurt, but did not pursue the issue and further. After a couple of days, I thought about it and I realized I may not have handled the issue correctly.
How should I have handled it, and more importantly, what would be the best way to resolve it?
Thanks for any advice.
Well lets put this all into perspective at least from my view – a person outside the relationship….
1. you are partnered for 14 years… this alone is a miracle considering most gay men usually just hang around till something better comes along… 14 years in gay life is like 30 in the hetero world – so congrats.
2. Your partner wants to have a reminder of you and your commitment on his hand all the time. He wants to let people know that hes taken… and hes yours… so he asks for rings… you on the other hand really don’t want rings and cant wear one because it affects your work… not construction, not carpentry or welding – but typing on a keyboard..
3. Your on a nice romantic vacation and you break down and buy the rings… he is thrilled, you are unaffected….
4. He after finally getting this beautiful ring from you after years of asking.. is just happy to have it puts it on and doesn’t ever want to take it off.
5. you both go swimming he loses it – you yell you scream you call him careless and tell him your returning yours and you don’t ever care to have another…
hmmm…..im trying to decide whether this guy has any reason to be hurt…… how you should of handled is to act as if someone you loved had accidentally lost a ring… deal is putting it all in perspective dont you think that after all this time of him begging for rings and being trilled to have them and then he loses his a few days later – that he has already ripped his own heart out about the situation? that he probably was saddened horribly by it..I mean after all they really meant something to at least him….then to find out that his partner of 14 years says HELL im selling my ring and dont even ask me again about getting another….
what you should do first is… evaluate your relationship…. do you really care about this guy? are you in love with him? have you just started to be jaded about the entire relationship and are taking for granted whats right in front of you… and hey if there is something wrong you should address it..
so after all that if you still want to make it up to him.. I would plan a really really special night out at a special restuarant. I would buy 2 more rings and surprise him with them.. Tell him that you have taken a step back and realized that you didn’t act the way you should have, you lost sight of how much he truly means to you and that more importantly it will be an honor to wear a ring that means that your his…. simple enough… hey i know i have been kind of harsh in this answer – i guess i just want you to realize that you have what thousands of people want to have. why not do a little something extra to make it even better… best of luck…